John 'n' Boots
by Negolith
Summary: Just a silly bit of fluff to bookend "Untamed". Link to image on bio page.


_A/N: Just a little bit of fluff to go with "Untamed". The Shrek silliness at the beginning of Chapter 31 inspired my artistic muse, and I had to do it. (Takes another gander at image.) Maybe" little bit" was the wrong choice of words…. Here's the link to the image. and be warned, this ain't your kid's Puss: _http://negolith2.livejournal/9977.html. _Growlll!! If that doesn't work, there will be a link on my bio page._

**John ****'n'**** Boots**

Since nobody was really in the right frame of mind for Halloween because of the events from the previous month, the crew at Atlantis decided to have their big costume event for New Years Eve. Nobody had seen the sun for a good six weeks, attitudes were just as gloomy as the weather, and people were looking forward to the party.

Everyone except John, that is.

He should have know something was fishy when Keller and Teyla offered to get a costume together for him. He told them he thoroughly planned on dressing up like Han Solo, but the two women just looked at each other, scrunched up their faces, and shook their heads. "We have a much better idea," Teyla said, and Keller nodded and beamed.

Yup, he should have panicked right then, but he decided to humor them. They wouldn't give him a hint – hell, Ronon didn't have a clue as to what they were up to – and on the day of the party he came back to his quarters after his morning perimeter sweep and found a large box in his quarters. He looked for the two culprits after lunch, but couldn't find them anywhere. He even checked in the greenhouse, but neither Eira or Ifan had seen Teyla, and a quick check with Carson revealed Keller had the day off.

So that was why two hours after dinner he still wasn't in his costume and was standing by his door, his arms crossed and a murderous scowl on his face. The door chimed, and judging from the mild amusement and faint musical laughter he heard whisper through the back of his head he knew who was on the other side. He opened the door, re-crossed his arms, and for a second forgot he was fuming.

Teyla was wearing a quasi medieval gown in deep crimson and gold with a fitted bodice of embroidered black velvet and a décolletage that was going to be distracting a lot more people than him tonight. Then he finally managed to look at her face and the little smirk he saw reminded him he was mad.

"You're not dressed," she said innocently.

"Yeah, about that costume," John growled out as Teyla brushed past him and into his quarters.

"Did the boots not fit?" She kept facing him as she came into the room, and when she stood still she had her hands behind her back like she was at parade rest. The pose made her décolletage even more noticeable. "Jennifer and I modified them so they would."

"Uh…." John blinked a few times. "No. Um, yes, the boots fit…."

"I thought the hat seemed a little too small myself. But Jennifer did not think it would be."

"The hat is fine. It's the rest that's bothering me." John frowned. "Or the lack of the rest, I should say. Teyla – I've worn jock straps with more material than that!"

Teyla just lifted her eyebrows. "Oh, _that_ is what is bothering you. You will be in your true skin – surely your fur will provide some level of … decorum."

John had no idea she could get such a wicked gleam in her eyes but have her expression remain so … innocent. His ears got warm.

"And there are several people here who have seen everything."

"I was being tortured and, and running for my life!" John's voice cracked. "And that isn't the point!" Then he kind of twitched his chin at her. "That better not be a camera you're hiding behind your back."

Teyla smiled. "I figured you would balk at our clothing choice, so I brought you some, how do the humans phrase that? Ah, liquid courage." She held up a bottle that had an odd, old fashioned shape to it, it's glass tinted aqua from age. It's contents were the color of a molten gold sunset.

John squinted his eyes down and gave her a sideways look. "It that what I think it is?" he asked hesitantly.

"Sidhe wine." Teyla pulled the already loosened cork and took a sip. She handed the bottle to John.

John took a sniff, and the only thing his mind could tell him was the wine smell like Fall – images of falling leaves and warm afternoons and cool nights and fires all ran through his head with the scent. And the taste about made his head explode with even more images. "Oh, wow," he said quietly and blinked a few times. He took another sip and had another sensory overload. "Oh, wow." The stuff was … hallucinogenic.

"Careful," Teyla said and took the bottle back for a sip of her own. "It has been known to drive mortals mad." The corner of her mouth crooked up. "I do not know how it will affect vargyr." She handed it back.

"Well, guess you're going to find out."

-oOo-

"See, I told you no one was going to laugh at you," Keller said and smiled up at Ronon.

Ronon rolled his eyes in his green face. At least the make-up didn't itch, and the green rubber ogre ears peaking up out of his dreds weren't _too_ tacky. Nobody had dared laugh at him yet – his constant frown was guaranteeing that little bit of dignity. Except for Lorne. But he was rocking a pretty good Captain Jack Sparrow with the help of some rum, so he didn't do anything to the major. Not yet, anyway. Ronon looked down at Keller and decided she looked pretty damn good in the green velvet dress and red wig.

The party was being held in the only place big enough to hold everyone on Atlantis – the greenhouse. Some of the beds on the main floor were actually on big rolling units and had been pushed back to make the pathways wider so people could mingle. The upper walkways were closed off since they couldn't afford anyone getting tanked and taking a header. The very center of the garden had a wide open space where the food and bar was set up, and the largest number of people were there.

Currently Ronon and Keller were standing where they could see the entrance. Elizabeth and Caldwell were on the other path and they could see them over the few plants that separated them. Elizabeth had decided to go pirate this year, too, and Caldwell was in a suit and tie, wire-rimmed glasses, and a fake FBI ID tacked to his jacket. Yeah, people had noticed the resemblance right away, and that his ID read Col. Skinner showed the man had a decent sense of humor. Lorne was with them at the moment, and had Elizabeth laughing so hard she almost spilled her drink. Caldwell was scowling, and that seemed to make her laugh even harder.

Rodney and Carson ambled up to them. Carson was dressed as Capt. Hook, and nobody was recognizing him until he spoke. Rodney finally got up the courage to dress up like Batman. It wasn't the dorky television one, either – it was the sleek newest one. But judging from his florid face, he was roasting under the cowl.

"Told ya – you should have gone for the nipples and codpiece one," Ronon said and smirked. "You wouldn't be hanging with the doc right now."

"Oh, shut up," Rodney muttered and wiped at his face with his cloak in a very un-Dark Knight move. "Or I'll ask that pixie to dust you." Then he glanced around and smirked crookedly. "You seem to be missing one of your entourage."

"He's late," Keller said. "Teyla was supposed to bring him."

Everyone made little huh noises. "Yae don't suppose they're…." Carson said and raised one eyebrow.

"They have been spending a lot of time together …." Keller's words trailed off and her mouth dropped open. She was the only one facing the doors, and her both hands went to her mouth. "Oh. My. God. He wore it!" Then she let out a gleeful giggle and clapped her hands.

All three men turned around, and a second later Ronon stepped between Keller and the door to block her view. It got very quiet in that little area of the greenhouse as all attention focused on John and Teyla.

John was in a cavalier hat and cape, the black satin cloth holding a few hints of purple in the light and the lining crimson. His leather boots had been cut away to allow for his elongated feet, and a rapier hung sheathed by his side. But the kicker was the little black satin _thong_…. He held his arm out for Teyla, and she seemed to float in her full gown. She nodded politely to Elizabeth and Caldwell and smirked at Lorne, John took off his hat and bowed, and when they spied the other group along the left hand path they headed that way.

"Oh, my," Carson said and covered his smirk with his hook. He damn near punctured his nose in the process. Rodney's mouth hung open and he made little strangled sounds – it was hard to figure out if it was because of the R-rated Puss'n'Boots, or Teyla's neckline. Ronon crossed his arms and continued to block Keller's view, but then she reached up, grabbed his goatee, and raised an eyebrow. He moved.

"'Bout time you two got here," Keller said with a big grin.

John's eyes were slightly dilated, and the first thing he said was, "Where's the bar?"

_You had __quite a bit of__ wine already,_ Teyla said. Her amusement came floating through loud and clear.

_Yeah, but not enough._

Then everyone was distracted by a loud buzz of wings. Eira and Ifan came spiraling in from above and Ronon automatically ducked away from the trail of glittering dust they left in their wake. Eira landed on John's right shoulder, but Ifan hovered right in the middle of the little crowd. He gave John an exaggerated once over and whistled. "Whoa, dude. You're brave."

John growled at him and actually showed teeth. Ifan shot straight up, laughing, and landed on his hat a moment later.

"Actually, inebriated," Carson supplied a moment later.

"And in need of more," John muttered. He could see Lorne approaching out of the corner of his eye, and judging from the way he was walking, _he_ knew where the bar was. "Major, er, Captain – where's the damn rum?"

"Middle of the room, Puss." He was barely keeping himself in character.

John groaned and hung his head, and Ifan had to take to the air again.

"I think you look positively dashing," Eira said in his ear.

"I think so, too," Teyla said. She tugged on John's arm and they headed deeper into the greenhouse. They left a lot of open mouths in their wake, and when they got to the bar a momentary hush fell over the area.

Zelenka was one of several bartenders for the evening, and he was dressed like he just stepped out of a Old West saloon. He took one look at John, pushed his glasses up calmly, and said, "Something with cream?"

John growled again and everyone laughed. He glared at Teyla and Keller. "I will get even for this." Both women just smiled smugly back.

-oOo-

It was officially the new year and all the hugging and singing was finally over. John was pretty shitfaced, but still upright and coherent, and was actually having some fun now that he loosened up. He grinned over at Lorne and didn't care if he was showing teeth. "Holy crap – these scientists are frisky. I think I've had my ass pinched a dozen times."

Lorne blinked and swayed in place faintly. He wasn't having too much trouble channeling his inner Jack at the moment. "I've been nailed a few times, too." Then his eyebrows furrowed. "I'm not sure, but I think Radek was one. At least _he_ was the closest person when I turned around." He shuddered and the coins hanging from his wig jingled softly.

"Did Elizabeth get _you_ when she hugged you at midnight?"

"Yup. Thought Col. Skinner was going to kill me." Then he lowered his voice. At least he thought he was lowering his voice – it just came out as an exaggerated stage whisper. "I think he's sweet on her." He held a finger up to his lips and made a shushing sound.

"Huh." John grinned happily and wandered toward the bar, but halfway there he got intercepted by a giant pixie with long dark hair who promptly stole his hat. It took his brain a second to recognize Dr. Espinoza - she of the cute grin in the elevator from his second day ever on Atlantis. She grinned at him again as she backed up and put his hat on, then took off down one of the paths.

"Hey!" He took off after her and a second later heard her laugh drift back. Yeah, the new year might not be too bad after all.

_Finis_


End file.
